If you’ve been on TikTok at all in the past few months, you’ve probably encountered the “Mommy? Sorry” meme.
If you haven’t, I’ll explain!
The meme originated with a video of a man approaching his girlfriend in a parking lot, catching her attention by saying: “Excuse me—mommy?” Immediately after saying it, he apologizes and tries to correct himself, but just winds up calling her mommy again. He keeps repeating “Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry,” over and over again while his girlfriend looks on, slightly bewildered. That’s the whole video!
The audio quickly caught on, with more people using it with their friends or significant others, or using it by themselves to talk about behaviors and types of women they find attractive. Soon a “Daddy? Sorry” counterpart audio was created, and has been used frequently as well.
For the record, I don’t have a problem with this meme! I actually find it pretty funny, generally, as long as everyone involved in each video seems comfortable and in on the joke.
I do, however, have a bit of a problem with the resulting trend of people incessantly commenting “Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry” on women’s videos every time they find them attractive.
While some people find these comments empowering or funny, I’ve seen a lot of women expressing discomfort with strangers calling them “mommy” online, often to the point where they make videos or comments asking people to stop. This seems to be an especially large problem for cosplayers—many of whom have talked about having to filter the phrase out of their comment sections because they were so inundated with it.
Before you say it’s harmless, consider what the whole “mommy” thing means beyond the meme definition. There’s a huge sexual connotation there that a lot of women would definitely be uncomfortable with. And that’s not even getting into the many non-binary people I’ve seen receiving unwanted “mommy” comments from strangers just because they look more feminine.
This might seem like an absurd problem to have, but at the end of the day, it’s a symptom of a larger problem I’ve been watching play out on the internet for years: people thinking they can say overly sexual things to strangers online because they’re anonymous and it’s “just a joke.”
Honestly, “mommy” is one of the tamer ones. Just a few months ago, the big meme was calling people “submissive and breedable”—which is a ludicrously sexual thing to say to anyone, especially someone you don’t know. Just like with “Mommy? Sorry,” the original tweet that spawned “submissive and breedable” was funny and fairly harmless, reading: “normalize 👏 platonically 👏 telling 👏 your 👏 bros 👏 they 👏 look 👏 submissive 👏and 👏 breedable 👏”. The whole joke lies in the absurdity of the statement—there’s no way to platonically say that to someone.
The meme caught on quickly, which was fine: it was funny! However, it stopped being so amusing when people started commenting on random strangers’ videos and pictures calling them “submissive and breedable.” Just because it’s a meme copypasta doesn’t negate the fact that it’s an extremely sexual thing to say to someone.
I think it’s important to remember that there’s an actual human being on the other end of the screen. Even if a word or phrase is commonly regarded as a joke, that doesn’t mean it won’t make people uncomfortable. A general rule of thumb I like to use for commenting on strangers’ posts is: “If I said this to a stranger on the street, would this be considered catcalling?” If the answer is yes, I don’t say it. It’s that easy!
If you think someone on the internet looks beautiful, tell them they look beautiful. If you think they have great fashion sense, tell them they have great fashion sense. If you want to call them “mommy,” maybe keep that to yourself.
For the love of God, don’t be a weirdo.
Laura Browne
Hi, I’m Laura! I’m a 24 year old artist, performer, and educator from Westchester, New York. I joined Survivors to Superheroes because I believe we need to get rid of the stigma surrounding talking about sexual violence. I want survivors to feel supported and heard. With my articles, I hope to open the door to honest conversations about sexual violence in the world around us. Beyond my work with Survivors to Superheroes, I love to bake, draw, and write comedy!
