From a very young age, I became aware of my body as an object. When my grandmother would tell me “sit up straight” or “suck in that belly,” I began to internalize this constant external scrutiny of my body. Like me, many young people are taught that we are not worthy of love, attention, and praise until we look a certain way. We are implicitly and explicitly told that we are meant to be objects of desire and attraction. And these ideals are not limited to women only. The media—and society at large—drown us with unrealistic expectations of height, body type, skin condition, and ability. Deeper than that, systemic racism, ableism, ageism, and fatphobia marginalize and invalidate the bodies of some of the most oppressed individuals in our society. When these messages flood your earliest memories, it is nearly impossible to feel any positive emotion toward your body. For many of us, this will continue to be a battle for our entire lives.
When I was caught in a pattern of sexual abuse my freshman year of high school, I simply thought I was required to prove my worth through my body. My body was, after all, simply a vessel for the cis-heterosexual man’s desire. Or at least that’s what I was taught. Many years later, I have unlearned this notion and recognized that what happened to me was wrong. It was an act of sexist, oppressive, and abusive power. It was an internalized message to that young man that my body as a young woman was not worthy of love and respect. In his mind, my body was simply a vessel for his desire. Unfortunately, people (not only men) continue to believe this narrative and act upon it. Because of that reality and the permanent damage that my assailant has inflicted upon me, I struggle with loving my body. There are some good days, and then there are some really bad days. I criticize how it looks, moves, feels. I deprive myself of things I love and then indulge later.
For these reasons, I have come to realize that body positivity might not be the most realistic goal for me. Body positivity is the assertion that all people deserve to feel good about their bodies. This can include appreciating your body, feeling confident in it, and finding beauty in supposed flaws. Although this assertion is absolutely desired and achievable for some people, my experiences continue to plague my mind and limit my ability to truly accept this body as “good.” The body positivity approach also puts bodies at the center of one’s self-worth. When you have experienced any form of trauma to your body, that can be a really painful and triggering aspect to focus on. It is perfectly okay to not feel positively about our bodies. Instead, there is another approach called body neutrality. This approach gets at the heart of accepting your body for what it is—a body. It is a vehicle driving you through life, allowing you to breathe in fresh air, think of new ideas, savor small moments. By focusing away from my body as “good” and “worthy,” I can focus on what it does for me and what it needs. Many sources define body neutrality as focusing on what your body can do, which can have an able-bodied bias to it. I would argue that body neutrality is being unapologetically unconcerned about what my body looks like. This philosophy also revitalizes the importance of our internal qualities, which I firmly believe are the most important aspects of ourselves. When I focus less on what my shape or size my body is, I can focus more on my intellect, patience, compassion, empathy, and willingness to grow. What are some internal qualities that make you feel confident and proud to be uniquely you?
There are a few daily practices that you can do to begin embodying body neutrality. Gratitude journaling (writing 5–10 things you are grateful for) is a good place to start. I practice gratitude for my able body almost every day, which helps me to check my able-bodied privilege in this world. Other sources of gratitude include eating food that I enjoy, doing exercise for enjoyment, and sharing physical space with my loved ones. Intuitive eating is another practice that I’ve found incredibly helpful, especially as I struggle with disordered eating deriving from my body trauma. It is a mindful approach to eating, focusing on what your body and mind need from food. I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. I eat sweet food when I am feeling emotional, and I eat fibrous and protein packed food when I am lethargic. These exercises are only two ways to begin practicing body neutrality—they help us to accept a body for what it is and fuel it to do its job, which is to keep us alive, happy, and healthy!
This movement also provides a more inclusive approach to developing self-worth. Oftentimes, we derive a sense of identity from our bodies based on society’s rigid thinking about gender, ability, and race. With body neutrality, we can lessen the emphasis on our bodies as criteria for accepting and loving ourselves and others. Body neutrality might be particularly beneficial for communities of people who might struggle to love their bodies, helping them move away from that rigidity of what bodies “should” look like, possess, or be able to do. By providing a middle ground to body image, people with complicated relationships to their bodies can begin their journey to a healthier and more respectful perception of self.
Julia Kopala
My name is Julia, and I am currently working in Boston as a special education teacher. I joined Survivors to Superheroes because I am a survivor myself who did not have any support or resources to understand the gravity of the situation I was in. I want my writing to empower and validate the diversity of experiences and identities that survivors hold, amplifying the idea that healing is possible. Outside of the organization, I find joy in hiking, reading, and mentoring students!
