Recently, the idea of reporting my assault has come up in conversation. I chose not to report my assault. Whether we choose to file a report against our attackers is our choice. No one gets to decide what is right for a survivor. Unfortunately, people do not understand why survivors of sexual assault choose not to come forward and to be quite frank, it isn’t anyone’s business. We must respect what someone chooses.
It was difficult choosing the best course of action for myself. I weighed all my options and when I was ready to talk about it, I went to a counselor. He explained what my next steps could be. In the end, I choose not to report my assault. It makes people angry that I never reported my assault. The most common response I get is, “By not reporting you are allowing this to happen to someone else.” This is the most blatant example of victim blaming. I am not responsible for someone else’s actions.
I chose not to report because I knew two things. The first thing was that even if I did report, there wasn’t enough physical evidence. It would be a he said-she said situation and the likelihood of anything coming from it was slim. I also knew I would not be able to handle telling a jury what happened to me. I believe that making a formal report will not help me heal.
A survivor is not obligated to report. Sometimes it is not a viable option. I was an 18 year old high school senior. At the time, I had no one to confide in. If I went to my school’s psychologist, I knew she would have to report it. Currently, I am 23 years old and I am just beginning to process this particular incident. Writing these articles and offering support to other survivors is more healing to me than getting on a stand and testifying against my attacker. I applaud other survivors who have had the courage to report their assaults and name their attackers. We all have our own ways to heal. The healing process is not linear nor is there a right way to do it. What works for me may not work for somebody else.
I chose not to report and I do not need to explain my reasoning to anybody. It is my choice. Healing is all about taking back your power on your own terms, and I think that is enough of a reason.
Photo Credit: Michael Jin, Unsplash
Jenni Pantoja
My name is Jenn, but I also go by Jenni. I am a Liberal Studies major at SUNY Purchase College. I was contacted by Julia with an opportunity to join Survivors to Superheroes and was inspired by the mission. As a survivor, I believe it is important to be supported and know you are not alone. I found solace in writing and hearing the stories of other survivors. My goal is for my writing to encourage and give a voice to survivors as well as educate others about what it means to be a survivor. In my spare time, I enjoy playing video games, writing music and creating new makeup looks.
