My name is Brina Gartner and I am very proud to say that my son is the Interim Second Vice President of this remarkable organization. I am writing this article to begin to heal a wound that I have carried for over 30 years. I am doing this for myself in the hopes that it will also bring some understanding to the reader about how different things are now from when I was young, and how important it is that organizations like this exist.
From the approximate age of 19 to 23 I was in a variety of long-term relationships while in college, most of which were emotionally abusive in one way or another. The worst one, although not direct sexual assault, caused me to do things sexually that I would never have considered had it not been for my feeling compelled to please the man I was seeing. My self esteem was so low during these years that I would have done practically anything for any man who “loved me”.
In the many years since then, I have pretty much glossed over my past experiences. I never discussed it with family, went to therapy for the trauma, or even discussed it in detail with my husband of almost 30 years. I’m not sure I would have even used the word abuse to describe my experiences back then. I am a child of the 70’s.
As I matured, had healthier relationships and somehow began to feel more worthy, I drew on these past experiences for strength. It just happened that way. I consider myself immensely fortunate because I can honestly say that by some weird twist of my brain, my past has made me a better person.
My daughter who is 26 has on several occasions told me that she wishes that she knew as much as I do and was as strong as I. My answer is always the same. The type of knowledge she means comes from experiencing life, and the strength from within. I hope she will never have to gain any of this the way that I did.
Today people are so much more aware of the horrible things that we do to one another. This awareness fortunately allows victims to seek help with somewhat less stigma than when I was young. But the stigma exists nevertheless. I’m not sure if back then I or my friends and family would have even recognized the abuse I suffered for what it was. Organizations like ”Survivors to Superheroes” play such an important role in providing resources to aide in healing the indescribable physical and psychological wounds that sexual and emotional abuse cause. I wish that something like this would have existed when I was going through it.
I encourage anyone reading this, survivors. parents, other family members, educators…to take advantage of all the wonderful resources available on this site and I applaud it’s creators for having the courage and strength to turn their devastating experiences into something positive for the world.
